Tagged: grad school

undecided.

Hey friends!

Another part of the reason I’ve been struggling to get back to blogging is that I can’t make a decision to save my life.

It’s true. I will always be the last person to order at a restaurant because I don’t want to make the wrong choice and end up with not the most delicious thing on the menu. Similarly, I want to have the coolest/best/most entertaining blog possible, and there are so many ideas (mostly lame ones) knocking around in my head that I am paralyzed and don’t do anything. This happens to me on a regular basis in other parts of life, too.

Examples of other things I can’t decide:
what color to paint my nails
which rhetorician to present in class
what I want to do with this degree (stop asking)
whether or not I should keep trying to grow out my bangs

My most promising blog idea might still get to be a real thing. My biggest problem with that one was deciding whether or not to start over with a whole different blog, make a whole website, or stick right here with wordpress and just change the site title. The jury’s still out. The silver lining in this situation is that I recognized that I was being paralyzed by indecision and just dove back into what I (and you) know: just megan. Yay! Growth!

Ironically, I had decided what I was going to blog about in this post before I sat down at my laptop… and it wasn’t this. I guess you can hear about my Wednesday meltdown and ensuing discovery of truth next time. :)

Meanwhile, it looks like this outside (and more on the way!), and I am about to embark on a marathon attempt-to-read-this-week’s-300-plus-pages session from the comfort and safety of my room.

yep, that's a main road.

yep, that’s a main road.

Stay warm!

hello?

*tap tap*
hello?
Is anyone out there?
yoohoo!
can you hear me?

Guess what. I’m baaaaack!

No, really. It’s me. Megan. Megan O’Hearn. Over here in Western New York, USA. That’d be in North America. And guess what else.

This blog post isn’t going to be perfect.

Neither is this blog, actually. Well, you know. It’s been perfectly imperfect for almost 5 years now, so you should be used to it, Internet. Can I tell you a secret?

I’ve missed blogging like I’d miss the little finger on my left hand (and I’m left-handed). Who would press the shift key for me when I typed if my pinky was gone? NOBODY, that’s who. And guess what’s been allowing me to channel all my pent-up creative energy and random thoughts for the last six months? NOTHING, that’s what. And that’s why I’m back. Because I’m terrible at keeping a journal and quitting blogging was like chopping off my left pinky. It’s not vital, but I CAN’T SHOUT WITHOUT THE SHIFT KEY AND I’M NOT MYSELF WITHOUT MY BLOG.

‘Course, it’s not like I haven’t written anything for half a year. I’ve written lots. I’ve written pages and pages and pages, actually. But here’s another secret: graduate school research papers are not creative. Nor are they a very good outlet for random thoughts. Don’t get me wrong… I like writing research papers (they hurt so good). I like reading hundreds of pages of journal articles about post-crisis communication or presidential epideictic speeches. I like applying those pages to real life. But holy cow, it is NO fun.

Oh! Fun fact: I’m a grad student now. Yep. Finished the ol’ B.A. and am now becoming a Master. of Communication. Wooo! More on that some other time, though.

Back to blogging: I’ve had “launch new blog” on my to-do list for a serious 3 or 4 months now. As the beginning of the semester loomed (January 28 at SUNY Brockport), I kept writing it bigger and bigger on my list… new site before break ends or bust! You’ll notice that it’s February 2. The thing is that I had this image in my head of a perfect new blog with a perfect layout and perfect posts that fit into perfect categories all around a perfect theme. I like things perfect. You may have noticed that, too.

Here’s the other thing, though: I’m not perfect, and nothing I make is ever going to be. I’m really afraid of failing, and coming back to this blog and this url and this same theme feels a little like failing, especially when I was aiming for a perfect new everything.

But you know what?

This place is home. It could use a little new paint and some cuter furniture, but, for now, here’s where I belong. Welcome back! I’m so excited you’re here!